For Olivia - July 2012

Dear Olivia,

I can't believe you turned nine months old yesterday. And when you woke up this morning, it's like I could actually see that you'd grown up a little more. You're so strong and independent, and yet you love being in your mama or dada's arms more than anywhere else. Your next favorite places to be are standing next to the open shelves in the kitchen, quickly throwing as many items as you can to the floor before you're caught, and standing next to the bathtub, slapping your cute chubby palms on the porcelain and waiting for me to come turn on the water (whether it's bath time or not).

You are physically very strong and coordinated. You started crawling about the third week in May and you've been unstoppable ever since. Just yesterday, you crawled up the stairs all by yourself (with daddy spotting you, of course). About a week or two after you started crawling, you began pulling yourself up to a standing position against any table, chair, or wall in the house. Since we've moved home, you love to pull yourself up and stand against the glass storm door and gaze outside at the big world. You also love to walk around the perimeter of the coffee table. Today at church, I let you "walk" around the foyer while I held your arms. I predict you'll be walking on your own in the next month or so.

You LOVE music. Not surprising since it's in your blood. Anytime you hear music, or even just any sort of rhythm or beat, your little head starts bobbing in perfect time. It's like you just can't help yourself--it's almost a reflex. I can't decide if there's a particular type of music you have a knack for yet. I make sure to expose you to the best classical composers as well as my musical theatre favs. And your daddy's got you covered with classic and alternative rock...not to mention his subconscious compulsion/talent for drumming a beat on any and every surface around him. But you definitely respond most noticeably when the music has a pronounced beat. We always take you to ward choir practice with us. Today you just smiled at the conductor as you bobbed your head to the music. You even started to wave your hands in imitation of hers. She was so taken by you. A couple of weeks ago when the choir performed in Sacrament Meeting, your daddy held you in his arms the entire time we performed and you didn't make a peep. I'd say we're training you young. :) But I think you're destined for a love affair with music. This makes my heart happy.

You have been totally disinterested in baby food for the last month. I can hardly get you to eat the purees anymore. And I think it's OK since you have six teeth. You can handle some more substance. So we've branched out to small, soft pieces of whole fruit--like pears and mandarin oranges. You love cottage cheese. You get excited when I even get the container out of the fridge. I think you're going to be a dairy girl. You love yogurt and mooching a few bites of my rice pudding when you see me eating it. You would never eat the pureed meats, so we've done small pieces of chicken, turkey, and beef. You love to feed yourself. Most of the time, if I try to feed you something with my hand, you grab it out of my hand to inspect it first before insisting that you put it in your mouth yourself. You love to eat whatever we're eating. So I do my best to cook food for us that's appropriate for you.

You still love your time nursing with mama. I call myself your "human pacifier." Sometimes, only nursing will calm you down or help you sleep. I don't stress about it. I know you'll grow past it when you're ready and I want to do what makes you feel secure and happy. It's funny when you do find one of the two pacifiers we have lying around the house. It's more of a toy for you to bite and chew on for a few minutes and then leave behind. And you're fascinated by your cousin Brigham's binky--always trying to pull it out of his mouth for yourself--which is funny because I could never get you to take a binky or a bottle yourself. Not sure how we're going to transition to cow's milk at 12 months, because you are not at all interested in a sippy cup either. I'm hoping by then, you'll be more ready. Although, I can get you to drink water and juice out of a regular cup. Maybe we'll just skip straight to that.

You're often a very somber child. You love to just stare at the people and things around you. You'll stare and stare, often not blinking for a long while. You make the most adorable quizzical look when a stranger talks to you for the first time. You seem very wary of everyone's intentions.

But not with Halle. Oh how you love to laugh with and at your sister. You two have a very special bond. She takes very good care of you and is a fierce protector. She lives to make you smile and laugh. You love to splash in the water together at bath time and we all enjoy a good game of "Leap Frog" in the basement, in which Halle hops across pillows and couch cushions as we "chase" after her. (I help you out with the hopping part.)

And my goodness you are snuggly. I adore the quiet moments we have together in the mornings, just being sleepy and cuddled up together. My heart melts when you bury your little head in my chest and snuggle up as close as you can. I'm so grateful for the many wonderful moments we've shared in your little life thus far.

You love to coo and babble with the best of them. And I love to see that toothy grin when you're in your happiest mood. You're a pretty even-tempered baby and you don't fuss much--except for the normal reasons (hungry, tired, teething, etc.). We've been working on signing, and so far, you can use the ones for milk and more. You're a smarty.

I love you so much, pretty girl. I'm so blessed to be your mom.

For Halle - July 2012

Dear Halle,

Several times already in your fairly brief life so far, I've wanted to freeze time and keep you the way you are (or were). And yet, as you continue to grow, I continue to be amazed at how I grow to love you more and more. And if I had frozen you in time somewhere along the way, I would never have experienced the many incredible phases of you that were yet to be...and are still yet to come. You are truly the joy in my life. Your pure comedy and genius make me laugh every day, your kindness and compassionate heart bring me to tears, and your gigantic loving hugs sustain me when life is tough. 

You are naturally bursting with creativity. You see everything in the world as a simile—“Olivia crawls all over you like a big cat, you're muddy like a swamp monster, I'm sick like a bunny in the mud...” You easily make connections amongst the things around you. And oh how you love to pretend. You're a pirate, then a queen or a princess, then a superhero. You're a leader when it comes to pretending. You're at the forefront in your peer groups during imaginary play, always deciding what will happen next. You seem to be most comfortable playing with boys your age, which is good since there are currently no other girls in your primary class.

I worry you'll be bored in kindergarten. You're already reading between a first and second grade level and your mathematical reasoning is also well above the norm. But then I remember how much you like socializing with other kids, and I know you'll be just fine. I'm sure you'll be a great help to your teacher and a great example to the other students in your class. I think you were born to be a leader. I love seeing you demonstrate that fire, that zest for learning and life. You're fearless when it comes to making friends. I wish I could say you learned all of this from me, but I can't. You are a unique spirit with talents and abilities innately your own. I only hope I can nurture them in the way you deserve.

You love to dance and sing, which couldn't be more exciting for me. You have a fantastic sense of rhythm and can learn and remember dance routines faster than anyone else in your classes so far. You're attending two dance classes this summer (2 hrs per week). You're usually dancing everywhere you go, as opposed to just walking. You carry a tune quite well and I can't wait to see how much you'll love the performing arts class you're signed up for this fall.

You are truly a resilient child. You've handled our most recent move like a champ. And you seem genuinely happier to be where we are now. It helps that it's a familiar place you lived in once before, but you still handled the changes with grace and poise beyond your years. You also do extremely well with the regular transition between mama's house and daddy's house. This is one of the things I am most grateful for in the whole world right now. I hope someday you'll understand why your experience has been different from many of your peers. And I hope you'll see that your life has actually worked out for the very best. I think you will.

Your relationship with your step-dad just gets stronger. I see that you adore him. He certainly adores you. Even though he's a very busy guy at the moment, he always makes time to really play with you and talk with you and let you know how important and special you are. And I can see that you recognize how genuine he is in his efforts. He has truly changed your life for the better. I hope someday you realize just how much.

You love technology—maybe a little too much. I have to keep an eye on that and limit your access to the iPad, iPhone, etc. You love to call people on my phone...especially your Aunt Breckon. Usually, you want to know where Britain is and if he can play. You sure love that kid. He's pretty much like your brother. You love him like a brother, and you fight with him like a brother. But at the end of the day, I think you are both each other's favorite person right now. I hope that never changes. You're very blessed to have him around whether you're at mama's or daddy's, or really wherever. And that goes double for your Aunt Breckon. What a guardian angel she is in your life. I hope you always stay close to her and appreciate everything she does to watch out for you and care for you. I know she has a sincere, deep love for you. And you're lucky. Because she's pretty much the most awesome person I know.

You love all of your family. You're a wonderful big sister. Olivia is overjoyed when you are near, and you are always more than willing to help me take care of her. Someday you're going to be a spectacular babysitter. You're always asking to visit your grandparents. And you give all of your great-grandparents enormous, enthusiastic hugs the moment you see them. I hope you know how much joy you've brought into their lives. I often think about how hard it was for me to work full-time when you were a baby and toddler. I feel like I missed so much of your life. But, one silver lining for me is to think of how much light and happiness you brought to your great-grandparents when they were able to babysit you. I don't think you can even possibly comprehend how much better you make life, for everyone around you, just by being you. Again, someday, I hope you will.

Every time you go to your daddy's for the weekend, when I pick you up after those couple of days, I'm just amazed at how beautiful you are. Your big brown eyes certainly melt my heart, your hair is long and thick and gorgeous, and you just carry yourself with such confidence and, well, a little sass. I hope you never lose your confidence. In fact, it's my mission to ensure you don't. If I teach you nothing else, I hope you come to know you are a divine daughter of God, that you love and respect yourself, and that you believe you deserve the very best life has to offer. 

We read the Book of Mormon reader together every night. You are fantastic at reading all by yourself. We get through the really long words and names together and we're focusing on your comprehension...because that's really the point of reading, especially the scriptures. You volunteer to say the prayer often and you do a fabulous job. I find it interesting that lately your prayers include only expressions of gratitude. You don't feel it's necessary to ask for much. You're much more interested in being thankful for the blessings we already have. I love this. I think it's just something that is a natural part of who you are.

I know I'm not a perfect mom, but I love you more than anything else in this whole universe. And I'm doing everything I can to make sure you get everything you need in life—in my own humble way. Thanks for being patient with me. I'm eternally grateful for the privilege of being your mom.

A Mile In New Shoes

So it seems like it would be odd for me to neglect writing a post about my new reality. I've been dreaming (and whining) about being a stay-at-home mom for years of my life. And now, after much trial and a length of time that certainly tested my endurance, I finally got what I wished for. And there's a reason I haven't blogged since last November--I sort of feel like I've been hit by a train. Don't get me wrong, I adore my two girls more than words can express. But, man, I have a whole new appreciation for that old adage "don't judge a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes." I've gotta be honest--I had NO idea just exactly how challenging this transition would be for me.

It's probably a combination of a lot of things--I went from having one child for nearly five years to now having two, I had my second child around the beginning of winter so it feels like I'm stuck inside all day most days, I've been dealing with some postpartum depression of sorts, I don't love where we're living right now, I'm an hour away from my parents and siblings, and I've learned that my inclination to keep my house spotless while having the aforementioned two children only results in driving me mad.

BUT, the madness and exhaustion are so worth it. I finally got both my girls to bed before 9:00 tonight and I am so full of gratitude for both of them that I had to write it down. Here's a little bit of what we've been up to over the last few months.

Halle

It's hard to believe how much this little miss has grown up in the last year. I'm continually struck by her beauty, wit, and charm. She is already reading at a first grade level with ease and she won't even start kindergarten till this fall. She loves preschool and wakes up each morning with an eagerness to learn and socialize. She would much rather play with boys than girls, but she effortlessly makes friends with every kid she meets. Today, we were taking a little walk around our neighborhood and she kept asking me when we would "meet some new people." She is constantly flitting and fluttering around the condo singing all sorts of songs. She adores her baby sister and is an amazing helper. She is so responsible and loves to help me with anything she can. She helps me cook and bake all of the time and she is great about taking care of her dirty laundry and cleaning up her toys. She's growing like a weed. Although I have to insist that she eats something for breakfast, by the time she gets home from school at lunchtime she nearly eats me out of house and home. She loves chicken nuggets, applesauce, yogurt, and macaroni and cheese. But she's also much more willing to try new foods. We can usually get her to try something new at most meals now.

She loves to color all sorts of different pictures these days: our family, rainbows, butterflies, giraffes, dinosaurs, snowmen--you name it. This is a huge step for her because she used to just draw the same rainbow over and over and over.

I see her growing up and her mind expanding. She picks up on so many different words. I'm amazed by her vocabulary when she just spouts out words and phrases like "prepare for liftoff" and "all in a day's work." She absorbs everything she sees and hears.

And she talks. Boy, does she talk. She talks and talks and talks. Incessantly. She asks questions about everything. She wants to know why all the time. She tells imaginary tales that would give Mother Goose a run for her money. Her little imagination is on fire right now. Everything is magical and mystical and full of life. I must say that I have never enjoyed playing with her more than I do now. We laugh and pretend, imagine and investigate. And at the end of the day, she thoroughly wears me out. :) But I wouldn't have it any other way.

She just had her 5th birthday. She ended up having three different birthday parties and was spoiled with way too many gifts. She loved hanging out at Boondocks for one party with her cousin Britain and having another party with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other cousins.

 

She's also becoming quite the little photographer. I recently got a new phone and noticed that I suddenly had about 85 pictures in the camera roll. I thought it was odd because I knew I hadn't taken that many photos. And then I started to look through them.

 

Yep, that's a pic inside the refrigerator. And these are only a few of the dozens she took on several different occasions when I didn't realize she'd sneaked away with my phone. I certainly can't deny her creativity and inclination for the abstract/surreal.

Olivia

What can I say about this cuddly, lovey, beautiful baby? She has the most wonderfully chill personality, not to mention the nummiest cheeks I've ever plastered with kisses. She smiles at nearly everything and everyone--although she gives Halle the most frequent and intense smiles of all. She's a great sleeper, a good eater, and doesn't cry except for the rare gassy tummy episode. Yesterday she laughed for the first time when she and I were playing with a little stuffed puppy. And then later she giggled again randomly as she looked up at me mid-feeding. It was about the cutest thing I've ever seen. She holds her head up effortlessly, does very well with tummy time, and loves gazing up at her bunny mobile in her crib as she coos and talks. She's only three months old but is already fitting into nine month outfits. At her last checkup, she was above 95th percentile in weight and 85th percentile in height. She is definitely her daddy's girl and looks just like his side of the family, although lately I think she's starting to look a bit more like Halle. She has all of this beautiful dark brown hair that just wants to stand up straight all the time. She definitely know how to rock the faux hawk.

 

 

Unfortunately, we've all been sick off and on for the last few months. Halle had a pretty bad UTI at the beginning of December, the stomach flu at the beginning of January, and a yucky cold a week after that; Nate's been battling a sinus infection for several weeks; Olivia wakes up with nasal congestion most mornings; and I've officially come down with a nasty sore throat/laryngitis this weekend. So, life is whirlwind. And these last few months have been no exception.

We've also been busy with church stuff. Nate was called to be the YM Secretary and I just got called as the Bear and Wolf Den Leader for the cub scouts. And since before now I had no idea what in the world goes on in cub scouts, that has certainly thrown me another curve ball. We'll only be in this ward till June and then we'll move back up north when Nate starts work at his firm full-time after graduation. I'm so looking forward to being settled somewhere for longer than just a few months.

Speaking of which...Nate has done so well in school this year. I think he literally does his best when his life is most chaotic. He got three 4.0s in his classes last semester, had a cumulative GPA of 3.9 and is now officially in the top 10% of his class. If he holds steady, he'll get special honors when he graduates. I know he'll do it. His intelligence and ability to hold everything together amaze me. He even took the online test to be a Jeopardy! contestant. He's pretty much a walking encyclopedia of facts. So I encouraged him to try out for the show. Maybe he'll win us some big money! :)

Really I'm just doing my best to take one day at a time, walk this new path as steadily as I can, and bask in the beauty of the blessing that is my little family. It will pass by all too quickly and I'll be on to the next phase of the journey. Living in the present has always been a bit of a challenge for me. And lately, I realize it's my best chance at being truly happy. So, I'm giving it my very best shot. More updates to come...

Thankful

Birth announcement by my talented bro-in-law, Blake Heywood.

Happy Halle-ween! :)

I've slacked a lot with the blogging since baby girl arrived. And since it's the season of Thanksgiving, I would be remiss if I didn't take some time to write about the many things I'm thankful for in recent weeks.

I'm thankful for modern medicine. Olivia decided to stay in the comfortable darkness of the womb for four extra days. Friday, 10/21, I went in for my 41-week appointment. The midwives took pity on my frazzled mental and emotional state (an overdue pregnancy was torturing me) and sent me over to the hospital to be induced around noon. I checked in, started feeling some mild contractions in the early afternoon, gazed at a breathtakingly lovely view of Utah Valley out of my hospital window for a few hours, got my epidural before any major pain ensued, dilated to 10 cm by about 8:00 p.m., pushed through literally 2-3 contractions, and then welcomed my beautiful Olivia Juliet into the world at 8:53. 8 lbs, 8 oz., 20 in. long. The labor and delivery literally went about as smoothly as a girl could ask for. I was extremely thankful and relieved. Induction was something I wanted to avoid, but decided I needed to go for it in order to salvage my mental health. I was ready...and she was overdue...and my mind was obsessing about the potential complications of an overdue baby. Luckily, things worked out beautifully.

I adored my Olivia from the moment I saw her beautiful head of black hair and heard her continuous coos and sighs...even during her entire first night of sleep. She was a champ at nursing right away and stole our hearts with her big eyes and beautiful little lips (she has her daddy's mouth, for sure). The couple of days in the hospital were filled with visitors, hospital room service, and also some good alone time for me and Nate to bond with our amazing baby girl. She was, and still is, perfect.

The morning before we left the hospital, the pediatrician came in and said Olivia's bilirubin levels were a little high and I needed to bring her back for another screening in two days. I didn't think much of it. Halle had needed to do the same thing. I figured jaundice was common...nothing to stress about. A couple of hours later, the nurse came in and said Olivia had failed two hearing screenings...in both ears. That was not great news for a mother with obsessive thought patterns. I freaked out a little...OK, maybe a lot. Great. My child was going to be deaf. Never mind that all of the hospital personnel assured us that it's fairly common for babies to fail this test in the hospital--they often still have fluid in their ears and that makes it hard to get an accurate result. My child was deaf. I was sure of it. They instructed me to make an appointment with an audiologist in 10 days for another hearing screening.

Since it was Sunday, a couple of members from a local ward brought Nate and I the sacrament before we checked out of the hospital. It was greatly needed. I remember feeling an overwhelming feeling of love, warmth, and peace. Everything was going to be OK. I'm so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father and the gift of the Holy Ghost to make our lives better and happier. I'm also thankful that we can always participate in the same gospel ordinances, no matter where we go.

Two days later, I took Olivia in for that second jaundice screening. I received a concerned phone call from her pediatrician's office a few hours later. Her bilirubin levels had literally doubled in those two days. Now was the time for genuine concern. They explained that they would deliver some bilirubin lights for Olivia to lay on for at least the next 24 hours and she was only to be removed from said lights to be fed and changed. The lights would help her work through the jaundice faster. SIX HOURS later, the third-party medical company who was short-staffed finally delivered the lights to a sobbing, worried mother. I feel bad for the poor guy who had to deal with the emotional mess I was in that moment. I finally got Olivia settled in to her personal little tanning bed (that's sort of what it looked like) and she stayed there for the next day. I hated every minute of it. I sat up right next to her, comforting her, holding the pacifier in her mouth. I didn't sleep a wink. I took her back for another blood test the next day and her levels had dropped some, but the doctor still recommended another day of lights. The lights didn't seem to bother her, but they bothered me—it was another day without any sleep. I took her in for another blood test and her levels had dropped out of the high-risk zone. We could officially take her off the lights. I had to do one more blood test the next day to make sure her levels were still going down on their own. Which, luckily, they were. I sighed a huge sigh of relief and tried to catch up on some Zs.

The next Monday was Halloween. We had a fabulous time with Supergirl (a.k.a. Halle). I tried not to worry too much about Olivia's impending audiologist appointment. She seemed to startle at some loud sounds, but not others. I couldn't tell what my sleepy newborn was hearing, if anything at all. In addition, I had a dermatologist appointment scheduled for the same day because of a yucky little mole on my arm that had completely changed color and had me worried. The day of both appointments arrived, and thankfully, it was a day of good news. Olivia's ears are both fine. She passed her test with flying colors. And after a biopsy, the dermatologist confirmed that my mole is benign.

All of this was followed by a scare at the optical center in which the doctor thought I might have glaucoma. Turns out everything is fine there, too. I got my badly-needed new eyeglasses prescription and, for now, everyone in our house is healthy and happy. Nate is the most wonderful father. As usual, he's picked up on everything so quickly, and he does so many things to help, without even being asked. He's become quite the expert diaper changer and Olivia is already enamored by him when he sings her to sleep. I love him so much and I'm so thankful for who he is.

In fact, I feel a depth of happiness I didn't know was possible for me. I don't care about material possessions, things I used to want, or petty unimportant concerns I used to have. I just want to be with my husband and our two girls. I want to take care of them and teach them and play with them and watch them grow. That's all that matters. I am so incredibly blessed and I know these blessings come from a loving Heavenly Father who answers prayers. I know we'll have challenges and trials as a family. But we're sealed together forever. And for the first time, I really feel the gravity of exactly what that means. We'll always have each other, and a Heavenly Father and Savior to help us through what's hard. How can I not be infinitely grateful and happy about that?

The Light at the End...

Today was bittersweet. I had been debating whether or not to continue working just a few hours a week from home even after the baby comes because I truly enjoy the work I do. I've invested a big part of my life in my career, developing a skill set in a field I am passionate about. But my family is most important. And so I told my current company that I can't commit to any more than about 10 hours a week from home. Today, they told me that the company policy is a minimum of 20 hours a week to stay on as a part-time employee. So, sadly, I told them that was more than I could commit to. I may still be able to help them here and there as a contract employee, but it won't be anything regular.

The Creative Teams Director announced to the majority of the company that I wouldn't be returning after I have my baby and led everyone in a round of applause for my contributions over the last 10 months. My immediate supervisor, in my performance review later in the afternoon, even got a little teary and told me how much they would miss me at the company. She paid me some of the highest compliments I've ever received and insisted that I'd have a job waiting for me if I ever decided to come back. But she was very supportive and understanding of my decision to be with my children. I appreciated that the most. And I felt overwhelmed with emotion myself. Following the sick day at home with Halle in which I realized how different my life is going to become in the next few months, the final discussion of my future at work was very poignant for me. It is beyond strange to think that I won't be going in to the office every day. Again, I wouldn't have it any other way, I was just struck by how it affected me.

And I still have four weeks of hard work left ahead of me before I officially say goodbye. I'll do what I can to wring every last drop of learning and growth out of this phase of my life. Then I'll move on to the next chapter and not look back.

Change Is the Only Constant

It's an overused saying...but it seems to hold true in my life. Halle woke me up at 5 a.m. on Tuesday with vomit all over her clothes and bedding. Oh, and she scattered some around our room on the way in to wake me. After cleaning her up and throwing the yucky stuff in the wash, we finally settled back to sleep. I wasn't sure if she had a stomach virus or just ate something bad. So I decided to keep her home from preschool and I decided to take a sick day and stay home from work as well.

I've worked full-time pretty much Halle's entire life. I took a 12-week maternity leave after she was born. But since then, I've really not been able to spend many days home all day alone with her. Sure, I'm home with her on the weekends; but Nate or other people in my family are usually there, too. It's very rare that she and I get to spend an entire weekday together, just the two of us. It was eye-opening. Wonderful—but eye-opening. I've been longing to be a stay-at-home-mom since Halle was born. Now that baby girl #2 is on the way, I finally get my wish. But this is following ten years of a full-time career. Ten years of being the “breadwinner” in my family. Ten years of juggling home and career responsibilities.

Halle woke up again at around 9:00 that same Tuesday morning and seemed fine. But I still didn't think it was safe for her to go to school (I didn't want her spreading some virus to her whole class). So, she and I had an entire day to kill. And for a moment, I felt a bit paralyzed. What do moms do with their kids when they're home with them all day? I mean, I could certainly come up with things around the house I needed to do...and I wasn't sure we were completely past the point of potential vomit, so I didn't feel like we should set out to do anything too adventurous. I guess the realization that whacked me over the head was what a completely different day-to-day existence I'm going to lead in about four more weeks. Sure, I'll have a newborn in the mix at that point, and I'll certainly not lack for things to manage. But for the first time, I really thought about how different my life will be. Not easier by any means—just totally different. It will be amazing to get to be home with my girls. But if I'm honest, I think it's going to take a good chunk of time for me to wrap my brain around a new routine, and a new me.

As the day wore on, this realization became even more clear. First big mistake—taking Halle to check out the Lindon Walmart during the middle of the afternoon (the part of the day in which she is most tired) and forgetting that I'm still eight months pregnant. Bad, bad idea. She whined and cried the entire time and I couldn't physically pick her up and make her go where I needed her to go. I had wanted to get her out of the house to do something—this was not the best choice, obviously, even though she at first agreed that it was something she'd like to do. You would think that as a mom of a four-year-old child, I would avoid this silly mistake. But, you see, my child has spent the majority of her afternoons being cared for by someone who is not me. A sad, yet true statement. And so, I realize that I will probably need to learn to be a stay-at-home mom to a newborn and a four-year-old at the same time...in many ways for the first time.

By the time Nate came home from work, I had managed to cook dinner. But the house was a wreck. This normally drives me crazy. But Halle and I had played and colored and danced throughout the afternoon, and those activities created some mess. At that point, I was too tired to care. How do stay-at-home moms deal with all the messes? I was a bit baffled. Eventually, I found some time later in the evening to pick up the clutter, do the dishes, and even throw in a load of laundry. We read scriptures and said our family prayer. I practiced reading some new words with Halle, we read her princess book, and I got her in bed way earlier than I usually do. By the end of the night, I felt pretty good about things. But I still reflected upon how strange and even awkward the day had felt in some moments. For as much change as I have experienced in the last year, I think one of the biggest changes of all is yet to come. I hope I'm ready for it.

Some Rest for the Weary

I've always considered myself an ambitious person. I try to be the best I can be at everything I do. But after this last year, I'm beginning to feel certifiably nuts. Here's a little recap of the last 12 months:

• September 14, 2010: Got engaged at the Provo temple.

• October/November 2010: Embarked on two very long business trips to Flagstaff, AZ and Ft. Dodge, IA to observe two Purina pet food plants (yes...true story). Both trips involved flights, long drives in rental cars, hard hats, and steel-toed boots.

• December 8, 2010: Worked my last day as an Instructional Design Lead at Allen Communication Learning Services in Salt Lake.

• December 9, 2010: Started my new full-time job as an Instructional Designer for Imagine Learning in Provo.

• August 16, 2010-December 10, 2010: Drove from Woods Cross to Provo at least 3-4 times a week to see Nate as he worked through his second year of law school at BYU. We were crazy in love...what else can I say?

• December 11, 2010: Moved from Woods Cross to Provo (somehow downsizing from a four-bedroom house to a teeny two-bedroom apartment).

• December 11, 2010-March 15, 2010: Couldn't sell my house in Woods Cross, so paid the mortgage on the house AND rent on the new place. :(

• December 18-20, 2010: Drove a VERY long way from Provo to Dallas, TX.

• December 23, 2010: Married my love in the Dallas LDS Temple. The best day of my life.

• December 27-29, 2010: Braved a blizzard that covered the majority of the intermountain west to drive from Dallas back to Provo. We thought we might be found frozen in our little Honda Civic somewhere between Salina and Nephi.

• Sometime mid-January 2011: Became pregnant with my second child.

• January 2011-April 2011: Taught Halle's primary class of three Sunbeams in our BYU married student ward.

• January 20, 2011: Celebrated Halle's fourth birthday.

• February 1, 2011-May 1, 2011: Endured pretty constant nausea and emotional distress as my first trimester inflicted its wrath on our newlywed relationship.

• March 11, 2011: Celebrated my 30th birthday. 

• Mid-March 2011: Finally found wonderful renters for the Woods Cross house (Nate's cousin and her family).

• April 25-April 28, 2011: Took a much needed family vacation to Disneyland and the beach, which Halle still mentions in her prayers every day.

• May 1, 2011-August 16, 2011: Nate and Halle took the bus together from Provo to Salt Lake so he could work as a law clerk at Christensen & Jensen and she could be babysat by my mom and grandma in Bountiful. She also went to two dance classes each week.

• June 2011-August 2011: Taught the Temple Preparation Sunday School class in our new Provo Married Student Ward.

• June 3, 2011: Found out baby #2 is a girl.

• June 17-19, 2011: Celebrated Nate's 26th birthday and his first Father's Day in the same weekend.

• August 9, 2011: Christensen & Jensen offered Nate a full-time associate position upon graduation and passing the bar. We are so grateful.

• August 16, 2011: Nate started his third and final year of law school at BYU while I continue to work full-time at Imagine Learning until the baby comes.

• August 18, 2011: Halle started Provo rec youth soccer.

• August 19, 2011: Switched from an OB to a group of midwives during my 32^nd week of pregnancy in hopes of having a more humane experience (mission accomplished, thank goodness).

• August 23, 2011: Halle started her second year of preschool.

• August 27, 2011: Moved AGAIN to our current home in north Orem so we could have more space for baby girl on the way.

And here I sit on the evening of August 31, 2011, thinking back on the whirlwind of a year our family has had: two moves; working full-time and switching jobs; getting married; adjusting to our new blended family; expecting a new baby; law school; church responsibilities; figuring out how to be landlords; scheduling babysitting for Halle (often driving her up to Bountiful) and shuttling her to school, dance, and soccer; and I'm not surprised that I was up last night puking my guts out in my third trimester, not my first.

Overall, I'm just incredibly tired. And I KNOW that's not going to get any better once this baby girl makes her debut (in only six weeks!). So I'm setting a goal to let things slide a bit more than I normally would for my health and sanity's sake. I let myself get run down—I've had headaches and nausea earlier this week followed by stomach pain and vomiting last night. As unbelievable as it might seem, my pregnancies bring a ton of nausea and not really any vomiting. And I hate throwing up so much that, before last night, I don't think I'd allowed myself the disgusting opportunity since before I was pregnant with Halle (about FIVE years ago). So, my body is obviously telling me to slow down. And I know I need to listen.

In spite of everything, I'm grateful for the blessings we've had as a family this year. I'm so grateful for a wonderful, patient, and loving husband who works unbelievably hard and takes such good care of me and our girls. And I'm grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and Savior who have protected and blessed our family and undoubtedly make up the difference each day. I'm looking forward to what the next year has in store for us.